


Down The Rabbit Hole

by pandawisdom (tsukiyo)



Series: Blood and Glory [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Blood and Injury, F/F, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, MMA AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-05 02:25:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4162101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukiyo/pseuds/pandawisdom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blood, sweat and pain was the only way she knew how to communicate with the world, and the world was more than willing to return the favour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of Broken Skin and Stolen Grins

If questioned, Laura would attribute her love of watching MMA to the primal energy that radiated out of those who spent their entire lives honing their arts. The way that they trained to break other people by being broken themselves, and yet clung to enough of their humanity to thank each other at the end of the fight for the opportunity to become something else. To lose themselves in the adrenaline, the bloodlust that sometimes filled their eyes. There was something completely ancient and bestial about fighting. In the cage, nothing was held back. And what ever happened in the ring, stayed in the ring.

The Hollis family could definitely appreciate an honest sock to the jaw once in a while. And by the way the gym was almost filled to the brim with people, she could say that they weren’t alone in that sentiment. In the dead of night, people still crowded into the open gym. A large warehouse that had been filled with weight lifting equipment, heavy wall bags, and several octagons which looked like they had seen better days. Everything was well used and well maintained, gear stacked and stored neatly in several corners. The steady flow of college kids and young working adults was almost hypnotic in a space that held the distinct coppery scent of blood beneath old sweat. She meandered slowly between groups, squeezing past serious partakers and slightly drunk observers alike.

It was rather unfortunate that her friend, and self-proclaimed “dudescort” of the night, found her as she had stopped to appreciate two rather scantily clad ladies grapple in one of the sparring cages. Her teeth dug into her bottom lip as she watched the spar, fingers touching the empty space of her hip where a different weight normally was. Distractedly, she glanced down, fingers curling into a fist.

A heavy arm slung over her shoulders, jerking her out of her reverie. “Hey nerd hottie! Enjoying yourself?” Kirsch took a deep swig of his beer, “C’mon! I didn’t invite you out here just to stare at the ladies. You gonna come and show me some of your moves or what?”

Laura laughed, folding her arms. “No no. I am not going to embarrass myself right now.” Her eyes were drawn back to the red-haired amazon in the ring who had managed to get her sparring partner to tap out in exhaustion. She licked her lips. “What about you? Do you train here as well?”

“Me? Nah, I’m here to support my bros,” he gestured behind him to a bunch of guys pulling weights and guzzling beers. That had to be a safety hazard. “The Zetas have got a few enthusiasts too, so we gotta back them up, y’know?”  Kirsch’s fond expression suddenly turned a little sheepish, “Actually, if you’ve got the time could I ask you for a favour?”

Laura tilted her head to the side, offering him a gentle smile, “If you expect me to do some kind of ridiculous stretching routine for you, you’re overstepping, neighbour.”

“No no no dude, none of that. Nah, see my bro Will, he’s… uh. His sister is kind of… Uh, well. Bleeding. And she ain’t going to let a Zeta touch her, but he’s kind of worried that it’s deep and she might need some medical attention,” Kirsch babbled, hands gesticulating wildly, “So I said I’d get you to come help ‘cause you know how to do that stitching thing and I swear I didn’t plan this, ‘cause you know if I had planned this I wo-”

“Okay. Okay Kirsch. Stop stop,” Laura couldn’t help but laugh, holding up her hands to stop his tirade, “It’s all right. I’d love to help you. Just point me in her direction and give me a kit.”

“Oh. Oh cool, dude you’re the best!”

 

Which was how Laura found herself holding the oldest, rattiest looking first aid bag she’d ever seen and shoved inside a tiny changing room.

Staring at a small boned woman almost completely covered in blood.

The stuff was everywhere. Dark red splashed across her skin, and her midnight-black clothes looked strangely damp. It dripped off her brow like a leaky faucet and drew a river along her skin, pooling against her collarbones, slipping down the side of her arm. A single drop slid along the sharp curve of her jaw. Laura swallowed tightly. Forehead wounds bled like no tomorrow, but surely the streaks of red across her cheek and bared midriff weren’t hers. The woman wasn’t even trying to staunch the wound or clean herself up, instead, her head was tipped back, exposing the long column of her throat. In just a sports bra and fight shorts, she could have almost been cast in marble. Delicate looking, if not for the underlying musculature that Laura could see just beneath pale skin. Her long dark hair was pulled back into a simple ponytail, the ends stained red by the blood.

When the fighter noticed her, dark eyes scanned her from beneath long lashes. Fingers tightened almost imperceptibly against the bench she was sitting on before she relaxed. A crooked grin spread across her features.

“Took you long enough, cupcake.” Her voice wasn’t hoarse by any means, but it was just rough enough that Laura felt her face flush and her entire body heat. “Think I might need some stitches if you reckon you’re brave enough to come closer.” That grin grew wider, sharp canines glinting in the harsh light. “Don’t worry, I don’t bite. _Hard_.”

Something about that felt like a challenge. Laura frowned as she stepped closer, lowering herself onto the stool in front of her patient. Carefully, she brushed a few loose bangs away from the fighter’s forehead, other hand reaching for the gauze. “The name’s Laura. Laura Hollis. And you really should not be sitting here so nonchalantly with an open wound and a possible concussion.” She dabbed at the blood, wincing a little as she noticed the darkening bruise on the girl’s temple. Now that she was close enough, she could see more bruises forming on pale skin, the worst of which colouring a muscular shoulder. One perfect eyebrow arched at Laura, her face almost completely blank otherwise.

“Cutie, this is a daily occurrence for me. Do you really think I don’t know what a concussion feels like? I don’t have one, so just stitch up the bloody hole in my head like I assume you know how to. I’m sure Will scrounged you up from some first aid class somewhere, but try not to scar me.”

The bored, unaffected tone that dark and broody used touched a nerve, and Laura found herself more than a little insulted at the suggestion of ineptitude. Eyes narrowed, she jabbed a finger into the woman’s chest, “Listen here. I’m doing this as a favour to Kirsch, and you’re being a raging bad person right now. I am more than qualified to sew your hard head shut, _in a straight and even line_ , so just let me do what I’m here to do and you can go headbutt a wall for all I care Miss... Trying-So-Hard-To-Be-Cool,” her fingers drew aggravated air quotation marks, “because you’re not impressing _anyone_ with that attitude.”

Dark eyes blinked in surprise, the fighter letting out a low whistle. Laura huffed as she finally managed to drag the suture kit out, wasting no time in leaning forward to work on the gash. The wound didn’t seem that bad, probably an overhead elbow that had barely managed to graze skin and cut it open. Her patient seemed more than content to be quiet after Laura’s tirade, eyes searching carefully over Laura’s features as if she was some secret to unwrap.  

Laura finally tied off the last stitch, carefully blotting away any of the excess blood to criticize her own work. She nodded to herself and dressed the stitches, before keeping the suture kit and tugging out an ice pack, cracking the brick over her leg. Laura was silently impressed at this unnamed woman’s tolerance for pain and ability to actually show some restraint once chided, but the lack of conversation was starting to get to her.

“Since you’re such a professional, I don’t have to give you the usual spiel right? Try not to get it wet, be good, don’t slam your head against walls.” She chuckled softly under her breath, shaking the ice pack a few times before standing to place it on the badly bruised shoulder. “Also, best to get those bruises iced. I’ll uh… leave the bag here, there’s a few more ice packs in there if you need them.”

The fighter merely looked up at her, a hand reaching to cover Laura’s over the ice pack on her shoulder. Laura swallowed tightly before pulling away, trying to get over how soft those fingertips had felt despite the fighter’s tough demeanor. “Well… all right. Looks… looks like it’s all good. I’ll leave you to it then.” She turned sharply on her heel and strode to the door. Opening it, the flood of noise and lights from outside almost made her miss the words that came from her patient next.

“Thanks cutie.”

Turning back to smile at her, Laura was surprised to see a genuine grin gracing pale features. She nodded, offering the fighter a thumbs up before leaving.

 

It was only much later that night, when she had climbed into bed that Laura realised she hadn’t even gotten the fighter’s name.

 

 


	2. Morning Dew to Moonlit Feuds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because the world feels like it's vibrating on a different axis altogether, and Laura can't keep up.

The morning dew felt wonderfully cool against bare feet, grass brushing against ankles as Laura shifted into stance. The rattan staff was smooth and well worn in her hands, as familiar as a hug. Carefully, she worked through the beginning steps of her _kata_ ; feet grazed over soft earth, weight sinking deep into the ground. Hands slid tenderly over the worn wood, fingers tightening as she struck an invisible opponent, the staff never stopping even as she changed directions to slash across the air. Strike after strike, a delicate balance of speed and power. Gradually she sped up, the wood spinning and twirling - almost coming alive in her hands. It hummed softly as she cut through the still air, the sound soothingly loud in the quiet of morning.

Laura lost herself in the simplicity of it, body following the flow of the wood, letting the earth and memory guide her. Time passed in a steady stream, its usual fitful tempo disappearing beneath warmth and exertion. It was only in moments like this where she felt at peace, like she was a rivulet of energy joining as one with the world instead of a grain of sand being eroded by it. There was so much breathtaking freedom in the simplicity of movement, the physicality of the actions drawing her away from the discomfort of living. Strike, swing, parry. Her body almost sang as the air hummed with her, fleeting, light. Untouchable.

 

But as she reached the final and most difficult steps, Laura found herself struggling. The air was that tiny bit too heavy, the grass that little bit too damp. It didn’t feel like home, but even the place where she’d once called home did feel the same. Hadn’t felt the same. She had fled there the same way she was trying to flee her body, to escape the memories and emotions buried beneath the surface. Her chest heaved with strain, a phantom pain in her side aching to burst free from her skin. Laura gasped, stopping abruptly mid-strike. She looked down at her hands, knuckles clenched white against the staff. Her mind buzzed.

A soft round of applause brought her out of her brooding, and she looked up to see Kirsch standing by the fence, a broad grin on his face. As always, he seemed so impressed that Laura couldn’t help but take a small bow, an easy smile slipping onto her features. “Morning Kirsch.”

“Morning nerr-eighbour.” He managed to save himself, giving her a tiny salute before taking off down the road in a jog. The street was beginning to wake up now, people shuffling out of their houses to pick up the newspaper, or off for various morning routines. A few early risers were already out and in their cars or on their bikes, day firmly started with morning coffee in hand. She stood there for a moment, breathing in the bustle, drowning out the buzzing in her head with the presence of others. An engine started, a dog barked. Time seemed to slow and stop for her before speeding headlong into the day. She let out a slow breath, eyes opening against the sun that was now well and truly risen.

Taking one last forlorn look at the staff in her hands, Laura propped it up against the porch wall and headed inside.

 

Perry had already gotten started on breakfast, if the smell of something baking, and fried bacon wafting through the house was any indication. Laura couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of Lafontaine waiting at the breakfast counter, knife and fork already in hand with stars in their eyes. She offered both of them a quiet good morning before ducking into the fridge for the orange juice.

There was a sudden pounding of footsteps down the stairs - “Mornin’, homies.” Two seconds. “See ya, homies!” - and the subsequent opening and slamming of the front door before Laura had even managed to look up.

It was a far cry from home. Things moved slower there… or maybe she had lived differently back then. Time had moved differently and with the change Laura was always struggling to catch up. Actions and words were exchanged and acknowledged, attention placed on every single detail. A glance cast to the side and down to signify disagreement even if the verbal exchange had been positive. Where a smile wasn’t always as simple as the parting of lips and turn of the corner of a mouth. The slightest twitch of a jaw before an attack was launched

Perry made a disgruntled noise at their wayward housemate’s unexpected departure, spooning some breakfast onto Laf’s plate before dealing with the muffins. Laf offered Laura a grin then, as she poured the juice, open and warm.

It was in tiny, miniscule moments like these that she didn’t feel so alone. When she didn’t feel like a raw nerve that the world picked at, eager to break her down into broken pieces of Laura Hollis. Sometimes, she still felt like she was half a world away, senses tuned to every inflection, every tiny micro-expression. Sometimes, she felt like she’d shatter before she ever got the chance to write about it, to empty herself onto paper.  

Smiling, she reached over to nick a piece of french toast before slipping off to her room, orange juice in tow.

No. Things were definitely different here. But Laura wouldn’t have traded it for anything.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Laura didn’t doubt that medical school was difficult.

_Comparing the frantic scribbling to her left, and the steady insistent strokes to her right, she supposed that she should have felt a tiny bit apologetic. While the notes of the people around her had been filled to the brim with letters, words and even diagrams, her own notepad was painfully bare. There were only a few keywords written on the lines, her eyes more interested in scanning her professor’s face than in copying down every single slide in full, graphic detail._

_At the slight upward twitch of Professor Cochrane’s lip at an errant question, Laura felt her focus drift off. She doubted that there’d be another question on heart disease when it had been the sole topic last semester. Unsurprising, given that particular lecturer’s family had a long history of heart attacks. If Laura knew anything about people, it’s that they were absolutely predictable if one knew where to look. She had twirled the pen between her fingers, chin cushioned in the palm of her hand. The furtive glance from Betty made Laura sigh softly as she had brought pen to paper and scribbled out a few words to placate her. It was nice to have friends who cared, she supposed, but it wasn’t quite worth the weekly “Roommate Huddle” that usually involved her intervention, or rather disruption, into Laura’s school habits._

_A sudden change in tone drew Laura’s attention back to the professor, the usually low calm voice lifting to half a note higher. Only when there was a slight tightening of a temple at the mention of liver cirrhosis did Laura carefully jot down the book reference, drawing a little star next to the title. The slight quiver at the end of a sentence, clenching of fingers around the whiteboard marker… The absolute guilt written all over her face, as clearly as ink on page._

Yeap. It was going to be on their mid-term.  

And what was it with Silas and hiring professors with recently deceased family members....

 

“Hello, earth to Laura? Hello? Kirsch, poke her for me please.”

“No way bro, she’d break my face in with that pen, didn’t you see what she did to that alchemy club kid last week?”

“Or that guy who just wanted to borrow a ruler?”

“What about that one who tried to ask for her number?”

“Oh oh remember that first year girl who sh-”

“Okay guys, I am **right** here, you don’t have to talk about me right to my face,” Laura finally pulled herself out of her rumination to glare at her friends, “Also, I am not some kind of ultra violent bad person, okay? They just… surprised me, is all.”

Laf chuckled, “C’mon Laura it’s already been four hours, we’re about ready to get something to eat.” They gestured to the slowly emptying library, “And you’ve been off in your own land for most of it so let’s go.”

Laura sighed and nodded, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as she glanced at her notes in front of her. Liver cirrhosis had been circled twice, and a line drawn directly to her professor’s last name. An hour’s worth of research and she’d discovered that one Mayor Cochrane had died just three months before from liver cirrhosis. Sudden, unexpected, and the reason why she’d have to write an excellent paper on it in order to pass her mid-semester exams.   

It’s a good thing she had remembered to emphasise the moment. She’d almost missed it in her own concern of Betty’s, well meaning but ultimately disruptive, disdain of her methods. Laura bit her lip, worrying it with her teeth. Had she been crossing the line? On hindsight, it didn’t seem necessary to dig too deeply into Professor Cochrane’s personal life, but she had been incredibly curious - to see if she had been correct in her assumption, and maybe… maybe to assure herself of the professor’s inculpability. Perhaps she had crossed the line. Her neck prickled and she drew in a deep breath to ease the pang in her chest at the thought. Reaching over to pack up her things, she shifted close enough to bump shoulders with Laf.

“Four hours, huh?” Laura asked under her breath.

They shrugged, “You were gone for just a little under two. Don’t worry.”

It seemed worrying was all she could do. Laura had always known she was… different. The world felt harsh and just _too much_. Everyone had an agenda, everyone lied, everyone hurt her, and Laura always saw it coming, but she’d never quite see until it had crashed into her like a train wreck. Laf didn’t quite understand how she ticked, but their support and unassuming acceptance was all that held her up sometimes. She linked pinkies briefly, giving them a grateful squeeze before pulling away.

She turned to Kirsch with a smile, “What are you in the mood for?”

  


 

* * *

 

 

The Squealing Pig was everything a growing boy like Kirsch could hope for. All-day breakfast, open fire barbeque and enough hot waitresses to fill pubescent desires for a week. It also offered cheap alcohol on Tuesdays, and belly dancing on Thursdays.

Thankfully, it was Wednesday. Laura wouldn’t have wanted to be stuck gawking at bare-bellied women getting their freak on.

As was typical, Kirsch knew everyone in the place, getting fist bumps and free booze at every turn. Laura laughed, sharing a huge plate of grilled pig with Laf while Perry looked on with disapproval. Her own salad was being slowly worn away, Laf taking a few forkfuls at Perry’s insistence. Laura wondered briefly how far the universe went, and if it would ever compare to the depth of stars within their eyes. She made sure they were looking at her before she shook her head at them, a small smile firmly etched on her face.

After awhile, She couldn’t resist, mock-shouting a “Get a room guys!” just to see Perry blush. Laf slapped her firmly on the shoulder, a little frown creasing her brow when Perry decided to start asking Kirsch about his mid-term preparation.

“You’re supposed to be my wingwoman, L!” They grumbled at her, before tugging Laura off the high table and towards the bar for a few drinks. She grinned, slinging an arm around her best friend. The night wore away with more food, more drinks and the majority of Silas’ undergraduate members who were too young to know better. At some point the Zetas appeared, and Kirsch soon became the life of the party, whirled from bro to bro, until Laura was worried he might tip over and crash at some point.

When Kirsch got dragged away for shot number sixteen at the bar, she contemplated leaving. She’d had her fill ages ago, after the third platter of meat that someone had graciously fed to their table, and both Laf and Perry looked ready to head home too. Laura had just reached over to tap them on the shoulder when a soft hand landed on her waist.

Instinctively, she spun, fist up in a backhand to whoever had dared to touch her. Instead a set of long fingers caught her wrist, and a warm laugh settled against the top of her head, “Whoa, easy there tiger, I just thought I’d come say hi.”

Laura looked up, startled, finding herself coming face to face with the red-haired amazon she’d been watching in the gym the week before. This close she could capture all the details she had missed - blue eyes, an adorable smattering of freckles and a bright, friendly grin. Laura blushed, lowering her hand slowly, “I’m sorry, I just… it’s…”

“Instinct? I know, don’t worry.” She was so tall that Laura was barely level with her chest while sitting on a bar stool. Laura couldn’t help but flush, fingers flexing weakly in the strong yet gentle grip. “And uhm… I remember you watching my spar last week. Thought I’d introduce myself. Danny Lawrence,” the hand gripping her wrist switched into a handshake, firm and solid.

“Pleasure,” Laura smiled, trying to ignore the images of Danny taking down her partner. The smell of her perfume, something warm and spicy, made her head spin. Licking her lips, she retracted her hand shyly, tilting her head towards Kirsch’s empty seat, “Care to join us?”

The grin on those striking features broadened, and Danny nodded. “It would be my honour.”

Perry, ever the perfect host, reached a hand over the table to greet Danny, while Laf just elbowed Laura and flashed her a giant thumbs up. Laura chuckled, ruffling their hair. The new warmth in the seat next to her made her heart feel so incredibly light.  

But it was only when Kirsch returned with drinks, a giant shout of “D-BEAR YOU MADE IT!” and the ensuing chaos of insults, nicknames and endearments did Laura laugh harder than she’d ever laughed in her entire life.

It was then that she decided that moving away had been the best decision she’d ever made.

 

An unknown length of time later, Laura Hollis quite decidedly retracted that statement.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Laura hated the word. She was a grown adult, fully capable of taking care of herself. She had survived more than two months without the constant care from her father which bordered the pathological. Moving to Silas, starting medical school, even coming out of her shell and staying in a share house… she was an independent woman, and damn whoever who suggested otherwise.  
  
But as of right now, she was hopelessly and utterly… _**lost**_.  
  
Laura hadn't quite anticipated the scale this party was going to be when they’d all clambered into Danny’s truck and driven back to the gym and it seemed that she hadn't been watching her drink quite closely enough. Because she was pretty sure the world wasn't supposed to be spinning quite so heavily after only one more little sip of boxed wine. She’d lost track of the others in the booming music and the mass of bodies, squeezing herself into a corner to try and get her bearings.   
  
Bracing an arm against the nearest wall, she shut her eyes, hoping that it would keep the dizziness at bay. Soon, there were voices around her overpowering the nausea-inducing bass. Voices that were most disruptive to her scrambling thoughts and decidedly male sounding. She was barely coherent but she knew that leaving with someone she didn't know was a really bad idea. Laura shook her head at whatever they were saying, preparing to swing a fist if she had to.  
  
A hand was placed heavily on her back and she almost took a nosedive to the ground if an arm hadn't slipped around her waist at the same time.   
  
"Whoa whoa. Hey there little hottie you're not looking so great." dark hair and eyes swam into focus. That zeta guy. Kirsch’s friend. The brother. Will. She blinked at the harsh lights, taking a few deep breaths to try and gain her bearings. "Yikes okay, let's get you somewhere quieter, huh?"

Laura groaned feebly, letting Will guide her through the masses. As they squeezed through the crowds his grip on her wrist tightened and she had no choice but to follow him out of the building and into the surrounding woods. Out here, the air was much clearer, and she took a deep breath, licking her dry lips. There were a few people milling around outside, but Will didn’t seem interested in stopping. He tugged her forward, her vision swimming at the sudden pull. Her tongue felt raw and hot in her mouth, words and thoughts scattering. Dimly, she realised she should feel panic, but all she felt was incredibly tired and cold.

When Will came to an abrupt stop, she crashed into him and landed on her butt in the dirt. The stars shimmered overhead, adding to the pounding of blood in her ears. There was shouting, and a sharp sound that felt like a thunderclap. Laura recoiled, eyes rolling skywards as she slumped to the ground.

The last thing she saw was moonlight and Carmilla’s horrified expression, then everything went blissfully dark.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'm trying out a few new things with my writing, and I hope it wasn't too hard to read or understand. Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome! Thanks for your time! <3


	3. Cracking Heads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it's hard for anyone to catch a break.

There was sunshine on her face.

It was pretty strange, considering that she couldn’t stand the way it burned her retinas when she woke, and had thus bought the heaviest duty curtains she could find at Ikea. She must have forgotten to draw them before she’d gone to bed. Making a discontented noise, Laura shifted, pulling her jacket up to her neck and rolling onto her side…

Right into a face full of grass.

Laura groaned, opening her eyes slowly. Tree stump. Leather jacket gripped tightly in her hands. Something soft but lumpy beneath her head. Grass tickling her face from where she’d turned into it.

Feeling as if she was part of a dream, Laura sat up carefully, the leather jacket slipping off her lap and onto the ground. She made a face, spitting out the mouthful of grass she was sure she had accidentally inhaled. The sun was just barely over the horizon, light reflecting off the smooth surface of a still lake. There was someone sitting by the water, back to her, long hair curling off bare shoulders.

As she shifted, a spike of pain shot up her neck. Laura winced, lifting a hand to her head, “Ugh, what on earth happened last night?”

Her company tensed and turned. High cheekbones, strong jawline and dark eyes that were wide with concern. A butterfly bandage was plastered above her brow, right where the stitches would be. Laura blinked. “Oh it’s just y-”

A sudden image struck her, and with it a second heavy jolt of pain. _Danny, laughing, hand on her shoulder. “That’s pretty ballsy Hollis. I’d never have tried that in the library.”_

Laura closed her eyes and shook her head to clear it, but another came like a bolt of lightning into her skull.

_“No way!!” Lafontaine grinned, hands slamming down on the table excitedly, “You’re the one who set off fireworks underneath the alchemy club last year?”_

She gasped at the shock of it, covering her ears with her hands.

_“Aw c’mon psych society, it was one time, you gotta let it go some time!”_

Vaguely, she thought she could hear outside of the voices in her head, but it was too soft, too muted. She whimpered.

Faster and faster they came, building in her head. The sound of her own blood rushing nowhere filled her ears. _A cold, dark mausoleum. Perry’s disapproving glare when she burned her fingers on muffins._ Flashes now, too quick to follow.   _Hands - cold, wet as they cupped her cheek. Soft laughter under moonlight. Ruffled hair. Fingers stiff with strain._ A few tears slipped down her cheeks. She pressed her hands harder against her head, willing them to stop. Willing the pain to stop. _Her father’s grin. The bo staff in her hands. Lafontaine nudging her side. Leaves. Will’s grip on her wrist._

 

**“BREATHE!”**

Laura gasped, but she couldn’t seem to pull anything into her lungs. Her eyes opened briefly, catching a glimpse of Carmilla’s face, close, before another image came. _Dark, everything was dark, and her hands were damp with something thick._ She shook her head violently despite the splitting pain, knowing and hating what she would see next.

Suddenly, a slender hand gripped hers, tugging it away from her head and pressing it against a solid chest. “Breathe. Follow me.” Warmth shifted under her fingertips, and Laura breathed in deep, taking in air like a lifeline. “Okay. Out.” It slipped out of her slowly, in time with the movement under the palm braced hard against Carmilla’s skin. The hand covering hers squeezed reassuringly, before another was laid gently against the crown of her head, grounding her. There was silence for a while as she concentrated on breathing, following Carmilla’s deep even breaths. The ringing in her ears gradually slowed and stopped, the panic that had risen to her throat emptying into the morning air.

She wasn’t sure how long they stayed there, breathing in each other’s presence, but by the time Laura opened her eyes and felt steady enough to sit back, the sun was higher in the sky, filtering warmly through the leaves. Carmilla pulled away, her face devoid of expression. For a few seconds they sat there, staring at each other, their breathing still in sync.

“Carmilla…”

At the mention of her name, Carmilla stiffened, eyes narrowing sharply. It broke whatever it was that had been cast between them.

“How do you know my name?” she snapped, something dark and horrible in her gaze.

Laura cringed at her tone, but managed to muster up enough emotion to reply, “I don’t make it a habit of fixing people’s faces and not finding out who they are. Kirsch told me, there’s no need to get so pissy about it.”

Those dark eyes searched hers before Carmilla seemed to visibly deflate, shoulders sagging with something akin to relief. She laughed then, a cold, derisive sound. Laura frowned. Confusion and more than a little righteous anger rose within her, and she leaned forward to poke Carmilla in the middle of her chest. Hard.

“And what gives you the right to be asking me questions like that? What about my questions? Why am I here? What was your brother doing leading me into the woods? What were you doing standing in the woods? Did someone drug me? Why didn’t you just take me to a doctor? What if a bear or a cougar or something had come and eaten us last night? Don’t you think it’s a little creepy for you to-”

A raised hand cut her off, but that empty expression was firmly back on Carmilla’s face. “Look cutie. I’m…” She paused. “About what happened last night. I know that this looks bad, and I know that you’re confused, but let’s just say I settled it. All right?”

“Settled it?” Laura couldn’t stop her voice from cracking. She couldn’t get a single read off of this girl. It was almost as if Carmilla was just a husk of a person, devoid of mannerisms or micro expressions, and it was very disconcerting. “Settled it?! Who do you think you are? You think I’m going to accept that pathetic excuse of an explanation?”   

Instead of answering, Carmilla stood. Dusting her palms off on her pants, she considered Laura for a moment before offering her a hand. Cautiously, Laura took the proffered hand, allowing Carmilla to pull her to her feet. She swayed a little, but a warm arm against the small of her back allowed her time to gain her bearings. Laura took a step away once she felt strong enough, breaking contact. Grumpily, she folded her arms, daring Carmilla to say something. They stared down each other, at an impasse.

A butterfly fluttered between them, bright and bold.

Carmilla sighed, “Come on, I’ll take you home.” She bent over to pick up the rucksack that Laura had been laying on, and the jacket that she’d used as a makeshift blanket. Carmilla glanced at the leather in her hands before offering it to Laura.

“Why?”

“You’ll see.”

  
  


Admittedly, Laura was not very fond of motorcycles. But with her helmeted head pillowed against the small of Carmilla’s back, and those deep soothing breaths warm against her arms and chest, she felt almost at peace.

They weaved through traffic, making it back to her street in record time. When they came to a complete stop in Laura’s drive, she slipped off the bike as Carmilla did the same. Carefully, almost tenderly, Carmilla helped Laura remove the helmet, making sure not to get any of her hair snagged in the straps.

They stood there, watching each other, in time that meant little to anyone else but everything to Laura. Her mind raced with details. The smell of her hair, the ghost of a wind against her skin. There was a leaf trapped against her scalp, and grit beneath her fingers from when she’d pushed herself off the ground. There were minute details all around them, but Carmilla remained a blank canvas, offering her nothing but the pure honesty of a small self-deprecating smirk. Laura almost smiled, tucking her hands into the jacket pockets.

A door slammed loudly, and Laura turned in time to see Lafontaine and Danny barreling out of the house. Laf went straight to her, but Danny only had eyes for Carmilla.

The punch was thrown well. A straight cross, almost perfect in execution. In that split second, Laura noticed Carmilla’s leg twitch, a muscle memory movement that Carmilla was trying to suppress. Her eyes snapped up to meet Carmilla’s, but those dark eyes hadn’t moved from her even as the fist smashed into Carmilla’s skull. Laura flinched. Carmilla stumbled back, hand reaching out blindly for the fence as support.

“What did you do _Karnstein_?” There was pure venom in Danny’s voice, dark and heavy. Those fists were clenched tight, and there was already a smear of blood over white knuckles. Danny took a step forward, tensing for another strike. Laura quickly placed a hand on Danny’s shoulder to placate her, pulling her away from Carmilla.

“Nothing happened.” She waited until Danny was looking at her before continuing, “She just gave me a ride home. That’s all.”  

Looking unconvinced, but not willing to argue, Danny allowed Laura to tug her away. Lafontaine launched into a series of questions that she barely heard, their hands steering her back towards the house. Laura let the both of them fuss over her as they walked, her fingers still tight on Danny’s sleeve.

Laura managed to sneak one last glance over her shoulder, and all she saw was Carmilla’s blood filled smile.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Laura fiddled with the pen, twirling it between her fingers as she stared out the window. Her room looked out into their backyard, and she could see the Zeta brothers that lived next door throwing an old football around. Will was standing in a corner, arms folded and head tilted down. If she squinted, she could see the slight bruising on the bridge of his nose, and the way his shoulders shifted higher every few seconds, as if he had trouble breathing.

The pen spun between her fingers as she considered it, closing her eyes. The image that came was one she’d spent hours pondering over. Carmilla’s dark gaze locked on her. The way her leg had twitched. Her body had wanted desperately to shift out of the way of Danny’s punch. Carmilla was a fighter, there was no chance in hell that she couldn’t have dodged that. The way her pupils had contracted when the door slammed open, the slight flaring of nostrils. No, Carmilla knew exactly what was coming her way and had chosen to stand and take it for some reason.

_Why?_

Laura shook her head, tucking the pen behind her ear before glancing at her laptop. A blank document was open on the screen, cursor blinking tauntingly at her. Her completely untouched assignment. Letting out an aggravated sigh, she grabbed a notebook instead, snapping the cover of her laptop close. As she shuffled her feet into a pair of shoes, she spied Carmilla’s leather jacket thrown over the dresser.

That came along too.

 

Silas wasn’t quite as small a place as she’d first assumed.

Most university towns didn’t become sprawling hubs of commerce stored in quaint Victorian period architecture, but somehow they had managed it. The streets nearer to the university were lined with low-rise, well kept houses that had been converted into offices and various businesses alike. It was the most perfect balance of countryside living and city-like efficiency Laura had ever come across. The town was also filled to the brim with little coffee shops, all local run and, mostly, cosy.

Taking a sip of her caramel latte, she spared a glance at Perry who was settled across from her with a few books in hand. She’d followed Laura, insisting that she needed a break from the ruckus the Zeta boys were causing next door.

It wasn’t that Laura didn’t get along with Perry. She found her fellow med student very intelligent, and considerate, albeit a little particular about things. But… there was only so much mothering one could take before one felt a tiny urge to get away. Thankfully, Perry seemed more than intent to focus on her medical books, and less than worried for Laura’s studies. At least her sense of boundaries was better than Betty’s.

Tugging the pen from her ear, Laura began to write.

At first the words took a long time, halting and slow, but it came faster and faster in time. She wrote about her week. School. Classes. The first time she went to the MMA gym. Every thing that she remembered, she scribbled it down, page after page. After a while she didn’t need to think, her pen scratching down the details automatically. It felt good, like she was emptying herself, pouring out her memories onto paper and leaving it there. The Squealing Pig. Danny. How warm she had felt on the inside. She smiled as she wrote, biting her lip.

That evening with Danny was the first time she’d been so happy in a while. She was chivalrous and daring. Strong. There was nothing Laura could really find fault with, and that intense desire to help her was _almost_ charming.

She slowed as she reached the party, struggling a little with the details. She forced herself to recall the cup of boxed wine, the way it had tasted strange on her tongue. Laura wasn’t very familiar with the distinctive tastes of alcohol, but if she focused enough on the memory she could almost remember the slight bitterness of chemical. She had been careless, she knew, but high on such a great evening she hadn’t even thought of her safety. For once she had let herself just be Laura: college student, instead of being tied to the heavy responsibility that was attached to her last name. Like a noose around her neck, waiting to be tightened.

Laura sighed, putting down the pen and taking another sip of her caramel latte. In her distraction, she hadn’t noticed how much she had drunk, and she looked sadly at the little bit of coffee left in her cup.

Another cup was placed in front of her, and she jumped. Perry gave her a small smile before sitting back down, tucking her skirt in neatly. She moved so quietly, Laura hadn’t even noticed she’d gone.

“Thanks Perry,” Laura said, reaching over slowly and pulling the freshly brewed caramel latte a bit closer to her. She stirred the drink a few times. “Not to look a gift horse in the mouth… but you hate my sugar addiction.”

Perry shrugged, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. It took a few more stirs on Laura’s part before she nodded to herself and continued, “While I’m not a fan of your sucrose consumption, I thought it prudent to make sure you were in a good mood before asking.” She squared her shoulders a little, sitting up straight in her chair, “Laura, I have a favour to ask of you.”

“Shoot. You don’t have to fill me with sugar for a favour though, I’m more than wi-”

“Could you be a part time medic with me at the gym?”

“-lling to help a fr… a what?”

 

As it turns out, Perry was much more of a mother hen than Laura thought, and had somehow managed to adopt the majority of university students who frequented “The Gym” as it was rather simply called.

(Laura may or may not have hoped that Perry was referring to another gym, but alas…)

Also, as it turns out, the number of injuries at the gym were substantial enough that Perry had begun to worry about some of the more bone-headed ones foregoing medical treatment and ending up septic or incapacitated by concussions.

And while Laf was able to help the majority of these minor injuries as a bio major, Perry recognised the danger in leaving them alone with so many subjects to experiment with. So she had assembled a medical team, to offer decent and discreet medical services at a very low, subsidized fee.

A medical team, of two.

 

The universe had an entirely twisted sense of humour considering Laura had just given up any chance of sanity for a single cup of sugar with some coffee in it.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! 
> 
> Yeah, even I was shocked at how fast this chapter came. As always, thank you for taking the time to read my little AU! ^_^ Stay positive guys!


	4. When Words Won't Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's fighting and Laura doesn't understand why.

Laura would never admit it, but she was secretly enjoying herself.

Sure, Perry had trapped her in a surprisingly devious manner and if Laura wanted to maintain any illusion of self-respect, she really shouldn’t have caved like that. But since coming to this university, it seemed like everything of interest happened at the gym. It was almost the hub of the university’s extracurricular activities with how crazy the people were about it. Case in point - within a week of agreeing to Perry’s hare-brained idea, she’d already spent more time with Danny than she could ever have hoped to otherwise.

Also fortunate, in her mind, was the time she spent with Carmilla.

Things had been… tense, to put it mildly, but Laura couldn’t bring herself to mind it. Ever since that morning, her dark haired saviour of sorts seemed intent to avoid her as best she could. And as much as Laura never quite knew if she was fond of Carmilla or not, the situations she found herself consistently stuck in were always interesting.

 

_“Cupcake, not that I’m not grateful for you looking out for my excellent facial features, but I honestly don’t need you to babysit me.”_

_Laura scoffed at that, approaching the table that Carmilla had decided to perch herself on. For once she wasn’t completely draped on the first available surface in the changing room, in fact sitting almost ramrod straight. Her arm was banded tight around her waist, and her eyes were dark as Laura came close._

_If she could hiss, Laura was pretty sure she would’ve._

_“Right. Except that guy nailed you pretty hard in the gut, so your face isn’t really my concern right now Miss Karnstein. And since you don’t let Perry anywhere near you...” Despite her chiding, Laura was gentle as she reached for Carmilla’s hand, tugging it away from where it was holding her side. The bruising looked extensive, but given that nothing seemed to be jutting out at awkward angles, she counted herself lucky._

_With a sigh, she set the much newer and improved, courtesy of Perry, first aid kit on the table and busied herself with getting out an ice pack. Her fingers were still intertwined with Carmilla’s fingers as she broke the ice brick, offering a reassuring squeeze at her patient’s lack of witty comeback. It was only when the ice was lightly wrapped against those bruised ribs did Carmilla speak._

_“Don’t call me that,” she said it so softly that Laura barely heard it, “I don’t like it when you call me that.” Carmilla look well and truly spent now, her body sagging as much as she dared with the pain in her side. Laura sighed, reaching up with her free hand to cup Carmilla’s face so she could inspect the stitches she’d done. It felt as if it was such a long time ago, what with every exchange she’s had with Carmilla being so profound. Yet, it was still there, a line that promised to fade in time, but just barely healed for now._

_Carmilla endured the coddling for only a few seconds before twisting her head away, that damned smirk once again gracing her features. That desolate wall that even Laura couldn’t sneak a peek past was up and solid, and it made Laura ache strangely on the inside. “Besides, Gingersnap doesn’t have your skill, cutie, and your inability to keep your hands to yourself is strangely endearing. I wonder what Xena: Warrior Puppy would think if she saw.”_

_“Xena Warrior… Danny? Please, she and I are just friends.”_

_“Doesn’t look like it from here, what with all the staring and licking of lips going on. Get on it cupcake or I’ll make good on my promise and start biting.”_

 

No, the Carmilla conundrum only got worse with time and proximity. It didn’t help that every time she did watch Carmilla fight, she was more and more impressed by what she saw. Carmilla was vicious, tenacious and she was just that good. Laura didn’t quite recognise the style, but it was something obscure, maybe east Asian. Always dodging by a hair, never using more force than necessary. And inside that ring, Carmilla didn’t seem to have the weight of years on her shoulders. She looked so incredibly _alive_.

Laura could watch her for hours.

“What’s on your mind, Hollis?” Danny leaned over their makeshift first aid counter to look at her, forearms landing so close to Laura’s hands she could feel the heat that radiated off her. “You look like you’re miles away.”

Laura tilted her head to smile up at Danny, pushing her little notebook out of sight. “Are you done for today? Ready for the big fight tomorrow?”

“Please. I’m always ready, and it’s not so much a big fight as a big excuse to party,” Danny chuckled, reaching a little further forward for a bottle of water. The light flush on her cheeks could be excused by the strain of training, but the way her eyes lingered a little too long on Laura’s jaw was incredibly telling. Laura couldn’t help but blush, tucking a loose lock of hair behind her ear. Thankfully Danny chose not to comment on that, gesturing to the corner of the gym the Summer Society usually monopolised, “And not quite yet. I promised Mel one last spar before we’re done. She’s still pissy that I’m representing the society and she’s not... Then we could go grab dinner? That is, if you want to.”

“I’m sure Perry can handle the late night crowd. She and Laf have been… busy, anyway.” Laura glanced over at the main ring where the two of them were huddled over something. “I think I heard something about a fire safety hazard?”

Danny laughed at that, taking a drink of water as she walked backwards towards her friends. “Cool. Come watch the spar, maybe you might learn a thing or two from it.” She winked, “Goddess knows how much you like to watch, after all.”

Maybe Laura ought to take a few lessons of subterfuge from Carmilla after all.

 

By the time Laura had packed up her things and headed over to the ring that Danny was sparring in, a crowd had already formed around it. It was mostly the society sisters eager to see their two best duke it out, but she was surprised to see Kirsch standing by Danny, strangely bereft of Zeta company. She got to them just as Danny popped her mouthguard in, giving Laura a thumbs up before stepping into the cage.

“Hey Nnnnn-Laura, how’s it going?” Kirsch’s greeting was cheerful enough, but the way he tucked his hands quickly into his pockets and rocked back on his heels gave Laura pause. She studied him for a moment before offering a small smile.

“Not too bad, neighbour. Yourself?” Her eyes flicked to the ring for a moment, watching Danny and her sparring partner, Mel, circle each other. “Where are your bros? You’re rarely here without them.”

Kirsch shuffled back and forth, shrugging. The initial cheer was gone, replaced by a slightly kicked expression that Laura could only describe as pitiful. “They’ve been acting kind of weird lately. Will hasn’t even stepped foot inside here since the last party! It’s just… weird, y’know?”

Laura couldn’t help the slight tremble in her fingers at the mention of Will’s name, but the sudden cheering around them was distracting enough that no one seemed to notice.

Mel had scored a hard kick into Danny’s knee, a dubiously legal strike at best. Laura frowned as the shorter girl took advantage of it, driving Danny back into a corner. She constantly hammered blows into Danny’s left side, kicks and punches that were almost too fast to see. Her red-haired Amazon wasn’t fairing well under the barrage, left arm constantly pinned against her side, desperately trying to block some of Mel’s hard kicks. Braced against the corner, guard up, Danny could only wait for an opening.

Adrenaline flood into her system at the proximity of the fight, heart pounding heavily in her ears. Vaguely, she could feel Kirsch shouting next to her. Time almost seemed to slow as she saw Mel turn out her right foot a fraction of an inch, ready to throw a devastating left kick to the inside of Danny’s bad knee. Her fingers grasped at the links of the octagon, her words leaving her almost before she knew what she was going to say.

“SPIN!”

Danny’s attention jerked to her for a second, but her body reacted instinctively. Spinning on her front leg she launched a back elbow into Mel’s head just as the other girl turned for the low kick. She went down like a sack of bricks, dazed. Danny took the mount, fist raised over Mel’s head. Mel tapped the mat, eyes still glazed and unfocused. Laura felt dizzy with relief.

The small but eager crowd erupted into a cacophony of cheers, Danny climbing to her feet and limping slightly out of the cage. Her eyes were wide with wonder, and a giant grin showed off the bright orange mouthguard. She picked up Laura in a tight hug, spinning her around. Danny’s supporters were crowding around them, cheering for their victor. The moment she was set down, Danny was being whisked away, hugs and back thumping congratulations all around. Laura grinned as she eased out of the crowd.

Just in time to catch sight of Carmilla. She was close, leaning nonchalantly against a wall. Those dark eyes were already on Laura, and she tried to suppress a shiver. Carmilla flashed her a smirk and a nod. Laura took a step closer but Kirsch shouting her name distracted her.

When she turned back to look for Carmilla, she was gone. And Laura didn’t know why she suddenly felt so lost.

 

 

* * *

 

The one thing that surprised Laura about Danny was how smooth her hands were.

Given how much she trained and how often she was in the ring, Laura was caught off guard by the lack of callouses when Danny slipped a hand into hers, fingers squeezing hers lightly.

“You should’ve seen Mel back at the house. She was so upset, but she couldn’t say anything about it. I got picked for the matches fair and square, and that spar solidified it,” Danny gestured excitedly with her free hand, “And that elbow… You’re the best, Hollis. You’re my lucky charm, I swear. How did you even know she’d be open?”

“Luck, I guess.” Laura shrugged, offering her a shy smile and interlocking their fingers a little more tightly together. Even though it had barely been twelve hours since the “Magnificent Spar”, as Laf had now dubbed it, Laura had already gotten enough dark looks to fill a closet from the society sisters that backed Mel. If she had known the two of them were in some sort of presidential race within the club, Laura would have been a little more hesitant to step in. But given that Danny had been so incredibly grateful and happy that Laura probably would do it all over again if she had to.  

Also, Danny had insisted on accompanying her to every class today, which meant Laura got that much more time with her. Score one for home-schooled Hollis.

The weather had been getting a little chilly lately, and as she meandered up the street to her last physiology lecture of the day with Danny by her side, Laura took the opportunity to press a little closer and enjoy the warmth. She caught Danny’s blush out of the corner of her eye, and she smiled to herself. They walked together in companionable silence, taking one of the students’ favoured shortcuts through an old winding cobblestone alley.

The walls here were marked with years of graffiti, bright and cheery. With the sun shining down overhead and Danny exuding happiness, Laura felt like she was in a happy daydream.

 

It was the sound of an argument and raised voices that broke Laura out of her little fantasy. Danny had pulled them a little way out of the arguing, her hand slipping from Laura’s to wrap protectively around her shoulder instead.

“Back off fresh meat!”

“Well, Kitty you’re the one who fucked up, so now I’ve got to clean up your mess.”

“You’re joking. I _told_ you not to get involved, and now…”

Those voices were hauntingly familiar… Laura tugged Danny’s hand lower, enough for her to catch a glimpse. Carmilla had her hands on Will’s collar, knuckles white with strain as she looked on the verge of hitting him. There was so much intense emotion on her face, and Laura felt her chest tighten in empathy. But before she could so much as breathe, a sledgehammer of pain and darkness slammed into her skull.

 

_“Will? What are you doing out here?”_

_“Hey sis. Just uh, you know, taking a midnight stroll with my friend here.”_

_“... Will... What have you done?”_

_“Nothing much. Just tired of seeing you get all the glory and adoration. I didn’t realise there’d be so much money involved too.”_

_“This… you sold your soul to **her**?! Do you know what you’ve done?!”_

_“Come on sis! We’ll be rich! We’ll get to move out of this dump and live in luxur-”_

_There’s a slap, a thunderclap of sound in the quiet of night. A gasp of pain._

_“Will… I… I never wanted this for you.”_

“Hollis! Laura, can you hear me?”

Laura jerked upright, panting hard. Blue skies, chill wind, Danny’s concerned face. She was cradled in Danny’s arms, legs stretched out where she’d fallen. Both Will and Carmilla were staring at them, the latter slowly losing the colour in her face as her hands slipped from Will’s collar. _Carmilla_.

“Carm…”

Danny was fussing over her, but all Laura could see was the stricken, pained expression on Carmilla’s face and the way her hands twitched as if she wanted to run forward and help.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t the only one who noticed.

Will stared at Laura, realisation flooding his features as he turned back to Carmilla. The smug grin on his face, wicked and taunting, sent a rush of ice down her spine.

“I see now, Kitty. I get what this is all about,” his laughter was cold, and even Danny turned her head sharply to glare at him. Carmilla was having none of it, moving to stand between them and Will, shoulders rigid with tension. Those slender fingers were balled into fists, and Laura thought she saw a drop of blood from how tightly they were clenched.

“They have nothing to do with this. You tell her that I’ll hold up my end as long as she stops meddling in my affairs.”

“ _Your_ affairs Kitty? That’s rich.” The mirth faded from his face, his eyes locked onto Laura over Carmilla’s shoulder. “Be seeing you.”

Tilting his head into a mock salute, Will turned and strode off. Even after he was gone from sight, it was only after his footsteps had faded that Carmilla took a deep breath, turning towards them. She nodded at Danny, “Xena.”

“Fang face.”

Kneeling down, she reached forward as if to take Laura’s hand but seemed to think better of it, placing her hands on her thighs instead. “Are you okay?”

Laura nodded dumbly, a little dazed by the intensity of what she’d just witnessed. “Just… a little dizzy, that’s all. Must have been the lack of sleep last night, what with my paper due and everything.”  

Danny seemed relieved, but Carmilla’s eyes were searching hers, dark with worry and something frustratingly unreadable. Together they helped Laura to her feet. Or rather, Danny helping her brush the dirt off her clothes while Carmilla just watched, expression hard.

“Well… if you’re all right, I’m feeling a bit ill from having to breathe Clifford’s stench for too long. See you around, creampuff.” Carmilla turned and sauntered off in the direction Will had left, hands tucked firmly into her jean pockets.  

Danny sighed and shook her head, arm slipping back around Laura’s shoulders. “Of all the insufferable people we had to walk into today, it’s broody witch and her dark haired male twin,” the arm around her squeezed gently, “You sure you’re okay? Do you want to head home or something?”

“No.. it’s… it’s okay. It’s not the first time it's happened,” Laura chuckled nervously, tucking herself against Danny’s warm side. They walked quietly for a while, Laura trying to gather her thoughts. She always felt scattered after a “memory leak”, as she liked to call it. Sounded much better than visions or brain-splits, a term coined by Laf that seemed particularly gruesome.

Laura linked her fingers with Danny’s, drawing that reassuring arm tighter around her, “Why did you call her fang face?”

“Oh, that. She’s just got a habit of biting,” Danny shrugged, “Once, in first year, she full on bit this guy on the neck to get him to leave one of the society sisters alone. It was pretty hilarious, and the name… it just stuck, I guess.” A small smile, “Better than Countess, or whatever it is those lackeys seem to enjoy calling her.”   

“Wait, you guys were friends?” Laura couldn’t help her curiosity. Danny had always acted like she and Carmilla were enemies in front of her, without a single nice thing to say. “Also, Countess? What kind of nickname is that?”

“Well, when she first came to Silas, she was… different. I mean, she’s always been broody and snarky, but she was a friend, you know? We used to spar together, it was always a good fight. Things just... changed, I guess, and before I knew it she ran with another crowd and that’s what they called her. Now… I guess she ain’t all bad, but her so-called friends? Her brother? That’s a different story altogether.”

 

 

* * *

 

Even though the official standings in countryside Styria didn’t really mean much in the competitive scene out there, it seemed as if Silas town took it very seriously. The crowd was much bigger than Laura had anticipated, and it seemed to be a much more somber affair than the last few months of roughhousing and party-going she’d seen.

All the smaller rings had been moved into storage, allowing for the main ring to receive center stage attention. There was no official referee from the city, or even from any of the national competitive federations. It was only Mel acting as Danny’s official and a tall, pale man acting as her opponent’s. The gym was filled to bursting with the Silas township, as well as those from the neighbouring town, Sylvek or something like that. Laura had been too busy trying to calm Danny to pay much attention, if she was honest.

As much bravado as her friend had been showing all week, Laura knew how much this fight meant to Danny. It was her first official fight with someone outside of Silas, an inter-university brawl, as it were. There were a few other exhibition spars, but hers was the main event - one university’s best female bantamweight, against another’s.

In the changing room, Laura carefully inspected Danny’s face, streaking vaseline over her brows and cheeks. The skin beneath her fingertips almost vibrated with energy. Laura couldn’t help but smile, “You’ll be fine. The other girl won’t know what hit her.”

“Thanks,” Danny grinned at her, blushing a little as she stood, “Wish me luck, Hollis.”

“You won’t need it,” Laura quipped back, nudging her out of the door, “Go get ‘em.”

The roar of approval as Danny stepped out and jogged down to the ring was answer enough. Almost the entirety of Silas were on their feet, cheering Danny down to the octagon. Laura slipped off to the first aid counter, chuckling a little at the sight of Lafontaine alone, rubbing their hands in excitement. She had been hearing whispers of fireworks and safety precautions all week, and if they were _that_ pleased it meant that Laf had won this particular battle.

Hopping into her seat, she glanced over at the giant red button they held in their hands, “A bit much, don’t you think? The whole red button thing?”

“Want to do the honours?” Laf grinned, offering it to her, “I asked Perry but she’d rather be ringside just in case anyone’s hair catches fire.”

Laura laughed heartily, shaking her head. The infectious energy from the crowd pulled a genuine grin to her face, “It’s all right Laf. I know how much you want to push it.”

As the announcer stepped out of the ring and the two fighters stepped into the cage, Laf’s grin was incredibly wide. They pushed the button.  

 

If anything could be said about Lafontaine, restraint was definitely not one of them. The entire gym lit up in a show of pyrotechnics, the rowdy horde screaming and cheering at the fireworks. Laura sneaked a glance of Laf, their face in abject wonder as if they’d just had all their dreams come true.

Maybe she ought to buy some sparklers for them in memory of the occasion.

A flash of silver behind Laf caught her eye, and Laura zoned in on a huddle of people standing in the back corner of the gym. She could just make out money being exchanged, and the slight glint of metal underneath a jacket. Her hand reached for her hip, grasping at thin air and she growled under her breath. Laura was so distracted she missed the starting bell of the fight.

“Oh shit, Laura!” Laf gripped her shoulder, eyes forward.

Laura tore her eyes away from the group just in time to make out Danny instantly going down to the mat, hands locked around her bad knee. The mob of people surged to their feet, loud cheers and boos echoing equally in the gym. She hopped up onto the counter to try and see over their heads, managing to catch the sly smirk that curled across Mel’s face.

Anger like she hadn’t felt in years boiled in her veins, and she knew who was going to pay for it.

 

 

* * *

 

Her hands were shaking and when Perry had told her to go grab some fresh air before she hurt someone, Laura didn’t think she knew how right she was. Danny’s knee was a swollen, broken mess and Laura _hurt_. She should’ve been there, by the ring. She would’ve known to stop it, might have caught a sense of what was going on before it happened. What use was all her years of training for, if the very people she cared about kept getting hurt around her.

She stormed outside, a sullen shadow of rage and fury. Pacing on the grass to work off her anger, she almost didn’t catch the sounds of a scuffle behind the storage shed. Any excuse for a fight seemed good enough reason to take part, and Laura scooped up a sturdy branch, moving towards the sounds. There were low growls and vicious sounding strikes, but Laura kept enough cool to peer around the corner, not keen on charging in blindly.

The stick fell from her hand in shock.

Carmilla was thrashing Mel. Her tiny frame swung the bigger girl around like a sack of potatoes, fists and feet a veritable whirlwind of fury. Mel was reeling, hands unable to catch a single one of Carmilla’s exact, powerful hits. A vicious punch to the gut sunk Mel to the earth. Nearby, the suspicious man she’d seen earlier was unconscious on the ground. A bloodied knife lay close to where he was knocked out, the blade and the blood glinting darkly in the moonlight.

With Mel crumpled on the ground, Carmilla had knelt over her. One hand gripped a hold of her collar, inaudible words being exchanged before she dropped her roughly. Blood was smeared over pale skin, dribbling from a long slash on Carmilla’s skin. She looked like a dark angel, silhouetted against the moonlight. Behind her the lake shimmered.

It must’ve taken only a few seconds, but Laura felt the image imprint itself deep inside her mind. She straightened. The anger had fled between one heartbeat and the next, leaving her feeling strangely cold.    

She must have made some noise, or let out a breath because Carmilla whirled around, fists raising in defense. When she saw who it was she let out a snort, hands falling tiredly to her sides. Laura made a move to step closer but Carmilla shook her head, opening her mouth to say something before closing it with a snap. Gathering her worn duffel bag, she disappeared into the night, leaving Laura with more questions and a slowly burning hatred of being left in the dark.

  
  
  
  


 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't too happy with this chapter, but I hope you guys enjoy! Sometimes writing is a real struggle, and there's always something that doesn't sound or feel right. I'm sure I'll find it and ninja-edit it later on. :) Anyway, stay positive creampuffs! Make good decisions.


	5. Confusing Times and Not-so-desperate Measures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny's having a hard time, and Laura doesn't know how to help, not really anyway.

Danny looked positively despondent. Her fingers curled tightly around Laura’s, seeking comfort despite the way her eyes stayed resolutely on the view outside the window. There was little comfort in knowing that Mel and her seedy friend were in police custody when the revelation of what had truly transpired that night seemed to affect Danny more than the prognosis of her knee did. The way her eyes had lost what little spark of happiness before she had turned away made Laura feel guilty for telling the truth. For the umpteenth time in her life, revealing the truth seemed to make things worse for the people she cared about.

When the silence stretched into hours, and Danny had somehow managed to fall back asleep in the confines of the too-small hospital bed, Laura slipped her hand out of the loose grasp and left the room. Soft shoes made no noise on linoleum as she paced the hallway, worried her anxious energy would wake Danny.

Nothing made sense. Why would Mel sell her own sorority sister out, to an out of town slimebag no less, and why on earth did Carmilla care? What was Will and his similarly unsavoury company up to? How could Laura have let herself slide into such a state of ignorance with only Carmilla’s flimsy unspoken promise of safety?

It was undoubtedly true that something about Carmilla made Laura feel safe when she was around her. That night in the woods, when Will had almost dragged her off for reasons unknown, Carmilla had been there to help her. There was no doubt that the vivid memory in the alleyway was what her drug-addled brain had managed to retain from that fated meeting.

_“This… you sold your soul to **her**?! Do you know what you’ve done?!”_

She could almost hear Carmilla’s voice ring in her ears again - the desperation, the fear. There was something dark and terrible happening in this town, and Laura knew that a certain long haired enigma was involved in this somehow. And if the same Carmilla, who was willing to take down a knife-wielding ex-con with righteous fury, was that terrified of some unspeakable person, then Laura was more than willing to bring out the big guns.

“Hey.”

And… not that Laura would admit it, she quite enjoyed Carmilla’s voice. It was the perfect mix of raspy and silken that had her wondering how it would wrap around certain syllables.

“Sprinkle for your thoughts, cupcake?”

And now she was definitely hearing Carmilla’s voice. Laura opened her eyes before she even realised she’d closed them, the object of her frustrations standing in the hallway right in front of her.

The dark haired fury from that night was gone, replaced instead with the Carmilla she’d come to know, with typical smirk firmly in place and piercing eyes that roved down, then up again. Laura opened her mouth to speak, but the fact that Carmilla was here, now, so suddenly in her physical space caught her off guard. Her thoughts scattered, lost in the intensity that was Carmilla’s presence.

Carmilla sauntered closer, hefting her dirty duffel bag a little higher on her shoulder. Slowly, she lifted her hand and tapped Laura’s jaw. “Catching flies? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. And as much as I openly flaunt my otherworldly beauty, the fact that you haven’t said a single word is a little worrying.”  

“I just… I don’t even know where to begin with you,” having Carmilla so close seemed to melt all the tension and fight out of her, the heat between them chasing away the last of the chills from the sterility of the hospital. Laura folded her arms against herself.  

The smirk had faded into a small smile at her words. There was sincerity in Carmilla’s next words, hesitation apparent as she asked, “How’s Da- big red doing?”

Laura shrugged, drawing back a little in hopes that she’d stop wanting touch her. The tiny sting of guilt that she’d forgotten all about Danny in a span of two minutes faded rather quickly. “Physically… she’ll be okay. The patella fracture wasn’t that bad, but you know… life long complications, arthritis… They’ll discharge her in a day or so.”

“And… emotionally?”

“She’s not taking it too well. Given that tensions within the Summers has been high, and that I saw you and Mel…” Laura ran a hand through her hair, turning away slightly. It almost hurt to look at Carmilla sometimes, and Laura didn’t quite feel strong enough right now to match the intensity of her gaze. There was a pregnant pause as Carmilla digested the words. “How did you know?” Laura blurted, not quite expecting an answer.

The hallway was silent, save for some distant beeping and the soft muted noises that echoed emptily in hospitals. She’d almost given up on an answer, scuffing her shoes against the floor, when Carmilla acquiesced.  

“Mel’s always had money problems. I guess… even the Summers couldn’t keep her from falling back into old habits.” Carmilla said as she gave a small shake of dark hair, a self-deprecating laugh following after a moment's thought. The hand on her duffel strap shifted to run over the fresh bandage on her forearm, picking a little at the fabric. “I guess old habits do die hard.”

Laura fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, eyes tracing the white cotton. In the whirlwind of emotions, she hadn’t even registered the fresh bandages wrapping around Carmilla’s forearm. “Did it hurt?”   

“Not as much as knowing you had seen me like that.”

Laura went still, stunned by the confession. She lifted her head in question, searching Carmilla’s face for answers. Instead, Carmilla flashed her a crooked grin before turning on a heel and sauntering off, leaving Laura with even more unanswered questions and a tiny flicker of hope in her heart.

 

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t every day that Laura felt an urge to drop her head onto a solid surface and groan, considering the number of brain cells that could be potentially lost that way, but she decided to make an exception for once. Her head made a resounding thunk as it hit the table, drawing a few confused glances from the other students around her.

Musty books and newspaper clippings lay in a haphazard circle, most of them yellowed with age and charred at the edges. As fortunate as it was that Silas kept a detailed historical record, with the largest library of national documents that Laura had ever seen, it was almost equally unsurprising that anything of specific importance was conveniently “missing”. Convenient, too, was the fact that the electronic database had been corrupted recently, and the majority of physical copies were either damaged beyond recognition or lost in the huge library fire of 2012. She thought she had left all this paperwork behind when she chose not to pursue her journalism degree, but in hindsight she supposed she shouldn’t be surprised. Her family had a knack of getting themselves into difficult situations, whether on purpose or not, and Laura supposed that her time had finally come.  

And she had somehow gotten herself twisted in something very strange indeed.

Carmilla Karnstein and Will Luce did not exist. In fact, there were at least a dozen or so students that Laura had seen around classes who didn’t appear on paper at all. Sure, she could tell that Will was doing very well in his engineering degree, and probably on his way to a respectable second upper class honours, but his history was incredibly sparse. Even Carmilla only had a bone-dry connection to some ancient eastern European royalty - a little titbit that she’d manage to salvage from one of the aforementioned burned papers.

Considering how much shady business seemed to be going on in Silas, Laura was not convinced of the town’s suspiciously clean criminal records either. Admittedly, part of the reason she applied to Silas was because it was rumoured to be one of the safest towns this side of the hemisphere, but no place was that pristine.

Something was fishy, and it all seemed to have started around the time of that very (in)convenient fire.

Lifting her head from the desk, her eyes focused on Carmilla’s student file. The attached picture was as unflattering as could be: a mixture of boredom and contempt drawn over sharp features, and yet Carmilla somehow made it work. As much as Laura hated to admit it, the quiet moments they had shared were almost enough to balance out how much the other girl infuriated her. Carmilla knew something, but whenever Laura toyed with the idea of asking her, the image of her silhouetted against the moonlight, blood streaking down her arm was enough to give Laura pause.

The both of them had skeletons in their closet, and Laura didn’t want to disturb them before she had all the facts. It was all a huge, confusing mess of thoughts and feelings and she just wanted it to stop. Sighing, she let let her head drop onto the table again with a satisfying thud. Just for good measure.

 

 

* * *

 

“Thanks… for letting me stay with you,” Danny muttered for the twentieth time in the thirty minute ride back to Silas, sounding more and more like a kicked puppy as the miles flashed past. Laura was starting to see where Carmilla’s puppy names for her not-girlfriend were coming from, and patted Danny’s hand reassuring where it was resting in her lap, fingers intertwined with hers.

She wasn’t privy to the way the Summer Society worked, but the betrayal seemed to have hit Danny hard. Other than Kirsch, Laf, Perry and herself, she had refused all visitors, even telling Laura to bar the door when Mel had dared make an appearance. The other Summer hadn’t looked too good either, between Carmilla’s beating and what ever personal demons she was dealing with, Mel had appeared ready to beg Danny for forgiveness.

Laura felt a little bad for her, despite being proud of Danny for her lack of compromise.

They’d hobbled into the share house together, Danny leaning on Laura more for emotional support than for any physical aid she could offer. Thankfully, Lafontaine and Perry had seemed more than willing to play host, helping Danny set up in the second living room that no one really used anymore since they had stumbled in on Elsie going at it with one of her “study buddies”.

Knowing that they had the situation under control, Laura flopped onto the couch, burying her face into the cushions. Things with Danny were different now, tense and new and awkward, which was fair enough considering what she’d been through. What ever easy relationship they’d formed at the gym, or even walking each other to classes was now touchy and sensitive. Yet, Danny still needed her there to be supportive as a friend, and it was all a big confusing ball of emotions that dug its way into her chest and settled there.

She must have only been down for five minutes when a loud toot of a horn had her climbing back to her feet reluctantly. Danny had had someone gather her things from the Summer Society house and deliver it to them, which even though was the best idea in everyone’s mind, meant that she intended to stay with them at least until the semester ended.

Laura didn’t know what to feel.

 

She knew even less when she found Carmilla unloading boxes of Danny’s things from a beat up old truck.

_Unbelieveable._

“Where did you even get that?”

“I didn’t steal it if that’s what you’re implying.” Carmilla dumped another box on the front lawn, growling under her breath when it almost burst at the seams, “You should tell Agent Orange to stop hoarding hunting implements, they don’t fit neatly into boxes.”

When Laura didn’t move from her place on the front porch, Carmilla lifted her head and quirked a single perfect eyebrow at her. With an aggravated sigh, Laura went to help her, taking the things from the sidewalk and carrying them inside.

The two of them worked in easy silence, the kind that Laura had come to associate with Carmilla. She didn’t seem to be on a mission today, the usual intensity lost in the simple labour of moving an ungodly amount of things. Some of Danny’s belongings had to be dragged into the basement, and Laura was more than happy to let Laf and Perry help their guest sort through the mess.

Even between the two of them, it took the better part of the afternoon before they were done. Carmilla sank into one of the old deck chairs on the front porch, kicking her feet up on the railing. Though seemingly determined to appear unwinded, there was a thin sheen of sweat over her skin, and Laura tried her best not to follow the path of a droplet that trickled down a slender neck…

“... you going to show me or just keep staring?”

Laura turned away sharply, trying to suppress the blush at being caught staring. “Huh?” she asked innocently, hoping that Carmilla wasn’t saying anything too important.

For her part, Carmilla seemed almost pleased at Laura’s response, letting out a small snort of laughter, “I said, are you going to show me?” She gestured to the bo staff leaning against the side of the house.

A little surprised at the request, Laura reached for it instinctively, hands wrapping around the wood. How Carmilla had known it was hers and that she knew how to use it, Laura had no idea. She just tacked it onto her mental board of things that Carmilla seemed to know and left it there.

“It’s… I still… I’m not quite _there_ yet.” Fingers tightened against the grain, the next words barely a whisper under her breath, “Haven’t been for a while.”

“Show me,” Carmilla said, almost challengingly. There was something dark and deeply unnerving in her gaze, sending a shiver through Laura.

Not one to back down, and surely not to this self-assured, smirky annoyance, Laura marched onto the grass, kicking off her shoes and socks as she went. Very aware of the eyes on her, she sank into stance and started the form.

As always, she started slow, building speed and comfort as she went. Her arms ached a little from moving boxes, but she pushed through, determined to give Carmilla a good showing. The staff whipped through the air, humming with power. Her body twisted and shifted, hands and feet almost moving on their own accord. She almost couldn’t keep up, her mind blissfully blank.

When she reached the end, that one strike that she could never seem to fit in, her body kept going. The staff swept in a low circle, barely brushing the tips of the grass before swinging upwards, a tornado of wood and human in one. Laura let out a laugh, the ease with which she completed the kata surprising even herself. She finished with the final strike, leaping high into the air and crashing the staff down into the ground. Laura stayed where she landed, crouched, lungs heaving for air, but a broad grin on her face.

She looked up eagerly at Carmilla, feeling smug and accomplished in a way that only martial arts could make her feel, to find the same grin mirrored back at her. Sincere and proud.

“Looks like you’ve been there all along, cupcake.”   

 

 

* * *

 

As much as Laura ‘enjoyed’ playing Lois Lane, helping confusing friend-lovers and solving the indecipherable mystery that is Carmilla, she also had a perfect attendance and first class honours average to maintain. She was a few minutes late, after yet another fruitless trip to the library, when she slipped into her seat next to Perry, offering her a quiet thanks for the usual lunchbox set on her slide-out desk. Ever since Perry had seen her gulping down cookies for lunch and chasing it with a whole litre of chocolate milk, she had taken it upon herself to feed Laura “healthful, decent cooking”. It didn’t hurt that it was also delicious, and Laura was more than happy to put in some money to their grocery jar when they basically had a free food service in Perry.  

Popping the lid and digging into, what felt like, her first proper meal in days, Laura only noticed that Betty wasn’t there when she was blindly searching in her bag for her notebook. Dragging the slim moleskin out, she inhaled the rest of her lunch before Professor Cochrane had finished her last sentence. “Where’s Betty?” she asked, sweeping the utensils into her backpack, “Didn’t she come in with you?”

“I actually haven’t seen her for a while. Not since… last week?” Perry offered distractedly, eyes on the board and hands busied with her own notes. “I think she and Elsie went to that party a few nights ago. They must be up to college shenanigans. You know how Elsie is.”

Laura shrugged in agreement. Their wayward housemate tended to get everyone into trouble, well-meaning or not, and spent more time drunk in random fraternity house toilets than in class. Wondering if she ought to write an extra set of notes for Betty, she lifted her head as Professor Cochrane turned to address the class.

And she promptly forgot to listen to the rest of the lecture.

Professor Cochrane.

Mayor Cochrane.

Three years ago was the last big mayoral elections, and Professor Cochrane’s sister had won it by a landslide.

And she was now dead.

 

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you for taking the time to read yet another chapter of mine. I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to write this... I have had a lot of personal things happen in my life, and even though it's no excuse I hope you can forgive me the delay. This chapter didn't come out as cleanly as I had hoped, but if I didn't post this, I had a feeling I'd take even longer to complete this story. I'm fully committed to finishing this, and if I have to come back to edit it after it's completed to ensure that it's of good standard, then it's unfortunately what I'll have to do. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy! I really appreciate the support you guys have shown me thus far! :)  
> Love, Panda.


	6. What Makes a Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Truth isn't always easy to stomach.

Laura paced the hallway outside Professor Cochrane’s office, mind spinning with theories and possibilities. The library had turned up scarily fruitful once she had narrowed her search parameters.

The new mayor, one Lilita Morgan, was a striking woman of East European descent who had settled in Styria a scarce ten years ago. She’d charmed her way into municipality with sizeable donations from unknown sources, and organised charity events for a number of public offices - the largest of which went to the local enforcement. The number of police officers had increased with the influx of money, followed by a notable drop in police reports and unsolved cases. Local businesses blossomed, and Styria was established on the map as a decent university town. Students from all over the country, and even internationally, started to fill the school ranks, and the town boomed into the student's haven it was today. For all intents and purposes, it looked like Lilita Morgan had done some good for little old country town Styria.

On the surface at least.

Looking into what remained of the local obituary records from that time told a completely different story. There were more drug-related deaths and “accidents” that had accompanied this suspiciously steep drop in crime. Much _much_ more than was statistically plausible.  

Even Lafontaine had agreed with her on this one. Their interest had been piqued at the mention of possible murders, and with two pairs of eyes instead of one, Laura had gotten through the mayor’s brief yet in-depth history of her presence in the country. The media had been all over her for years, providing not much insight, but a large stack of photos… which Laura had more than a little trouble digesting.

When Morgan had run for mayor the same year as professor Cochrane, she had seemed honestly disappointed and shocked she had lost. She fell out of the public eye for a few years,  travelling if the records of her itinerary could be trusted, and she was almost always accompanied by one of the dozen students that Laura could not find on file.

Including one Carmilla Karnstein.

Exactly six months after she and Carmilla had returned from a month long stint in Africa, Mayor Cochrane had turned up dead in her office, and Morgan had very valiantly accepted the offered position as mayor.

It was terribly convenient. Just like the fires in the library, and the corruption of its online database. Laf had been practically shouting in excitement with the find. It was no smoking gun, but it almost had Laura picking up the phone to her parents.

And Carmilla… She felt nauseous at the thought. All this time she thought Carmilla had been good, that she was just like Laura, trying to fix things. She had stopped Will, had gotten revenge for Danny… but now, with the picture of her standing next to the mayor, whom Laura was certain had committed at least one murder and possibly some other sinister things, she was beginning to lose her confidence.  

The papers, evidence if Laf hadn’t interjected that it was still hearsay, she’d snuck out of the library felt like they were burning a hole in her backpack. She struggled to school her face as people passed her, hoping they’d assume she was just nervous about a paper.

If the problems in this town somehow came from the top… then the new mayor was in for a rough surprise.

 

Though she was expecting it, when the professor’s disembodied asked her to step in from the doorside intercom, Laura took a moment to wipe her palms down on the front of her jeans before opening the door. She offered a polite greeting as she entered, the door closing behind her with a quiet ‘snick’ and an electronic beep.

Professor Cochrane’s office was nothing like Laura imagined. The blinds were drawn and covered with a thin layer of dust, the only light in the room artificial despite the sun shining outside. It was incredibly sparse, what few pieces of furniture and books visible set neatly in their own place. An empty fireplace lay covered in soot. When Laura sank into the seat in front of the desk, she had to fight a shiver.

The professor herself seemed oblivious, pen scratching away at some papers. She looked painfully energetic in such drab surroundings, looking up momentarily when Laura didn’t say a word.

“So, Miss Hollis, what can I do for you today?”

The broad smile on the professor’s face was at such odds to the emptiness of the room. Laura rubbed a palm over her arm, trying to get some warmth back under her skin. She hesitated then, a fleeting pause as she weighed outcomes and probabilities, the remembrance of Danny’s faded smile and Carmilla’s lilting laugh.  

Squaring her shoulders, she opened her mouth to ask.

“Professor, do you know who killed your sister?”

 

“Why I did, of course.”

There was a beat. Then two. That smile didn’t change. It didn’t twitch or falter, and Laura felt as if she’d been dunked in ice water. She couldn’t read Professor Cochrane at all.

The professor laid down her pen, leaning over the desk, and Laura fought not to recoil. She struggled with the emotions that bubbled up. Shock, disgust… Fear.

“Wh-what?”

The professor stood abruptly, chair screeching against the floorboards as it slid backwards. She stalked to the windows, hands held tightly behind her back. The knuckles of her hands were white with how hard she had her fists clenched.

Laura’s mind stuttered as a memory flashed across her eyes: _Carmilla standing above her, shielding her from Will, hands clenched tightly into fists. Helpless but far from weak._

“She comes for you, you know. With offers you can’t… with offers you don’t want to refuse,” a tight, bitter laugh as the professor paused in front of her, eyes still locked on something through the blinds, “She’s always been very good at giving you things you’ll learn to despise.”

The vision had stunned Laura, and she moved to stand, her mouth feeling like it was filled with cotton. Professor Cochrane spun around. The smile from earlier was gone, replaced by a haunted grimace. Hands banded tightly over Laura’s arm, pinning her back down to the chair, “Did she come to you too, Miss Hollis? Are you one of her playthings now too?”

Nails dug hard into her skin and Laura gasped, shaking her head. Terror and hatred had warped this woman she respected into this rabid, broken creature. She couldn’t help the tears that pricked at the corner of her eyes, memories of different hands, different voices yelling at her. They hit her hard and fast, a past that she could never come to terms with. Laura scrambled to stay in the present, to not be swept up in the wave of nightmares.

“N-no! No professor! I just… I just…” The words wouldn’t come, not when she had yet to defeat the demons which had plagued her for so long.

With surprising strength, the professor hurled Laura against the desk, her head cracking sharply on the edge. The screech of memories halted, replaced instead by a cold, numbing pain. Crumpled on the ground, it was all she could do to cling to consciousness. Darkness pressed in, something wet dripped down her temple. She thought she heard pounding, noises coming from far away. There were voices, shouts, the sound of things breaking. But she was so tired, and her mind willingly sunk into the abyss…

 

_Suddenly, a slender hand gripped hers, tugging it away from her head and pressing it against a solid chest. “Breathe. Follow me.” Warmth shifted under her fingertips, and Laura breathed in deep, taking in air like a lifeline. “Okay. Out.” It slipped out of her slowly, in time with the movement under the palm braced hard against Carmilla’s skin. The hand covering hers squeezed reassuringly, before another was laid gently against the crown of her head, grounding her._

The memory jolted her into wakefulness, and she managed to draw in a shaky gasp. There were muffled shouts and a resounding thud that reverberated down her spine. Then. Silence. Laura still couldn’t quite manage to lift her head, but she reached out, hand brushing blindly against the floor with a soft groan.

Slender fingers took hers, and a hand was laid lightly on her shoulder, comforting and warm. She was shifted slowly onto her back, head lowered onto a warm lap. Her eyes couldn’t see past the hazy darkness, but there’s no mistaking the warm calloused palm that cupped her cheek, brushing the hair carefully from her face.

“Laura?” Carmilla’s voice was heavy with worry.

Laura managed a gasp, fingers squeezing Carmilla’s. She blinked, her vision swam with pain. “Carm…”    

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

She tried to sit up, but her entire body protested the movement. Carmilla carded fingers through her hair, other hand still holding hers tightly.

“It’s okay cupcake. Rest now. I’ve got you.”

Laura nodded despite the pain in her neck, relaxing against the arms around her. Carmilla’s voice soothed her like a balm, infusing her with warmth.

“I’ve got you.”

 

 

* * *

 

The next few days passed in a blur. There were stitches for her head, and questions from the police that blended into each other, easier to feign ignorance when she could barely think past the echoes of terror that vibrated under her skin. Carmilla was with her throughout their onslaught, all snark and sharp wit when they questioned her, but warmth and comfort when they were alone. She was grateful to convalesce in her own room, with Perry and Laf as her nursemaids and Danny suspiciously missing.

It may have been something to do with Carmilla refusing to leave her side, sleeping upright in a chair by Laura’s bed until she got sick of it and dragged Carmilla into the empty space beside her.

It was only on the third day that Carmilla deigned to put some space between the two of them, heading downstairs when Danny asked for some privacy. The tall redhead was livid, obviously torn between telling Laura off for doing something so dangerous, and wanting to make sure that she was okay. She rubbed at her bad knee while she talked, and Laura couldn’t help the small bit of guilt that welled inside her.

Words trailed off into an awkward silence after a few minutes, and Laura felt her skin crawl in a way that let her know that Carmilla had been away from her for too long.

“I’m sorry Danny, but I’m really tired and-”

“You like her, don’t you.”

Laura looked up at her, mouth open and ready to vehemently deny, but the self-deprecating smile on Danny’s face stopped her. The memory of Carmilla holding her through the nightmares, of that low smooth voice whispering soothing nothings into her ear, echoed in her mind.

“Laf told me about what you two had found out. About Morgan. About Carmilla.” Danny continued, “It’s a lot to consider, and if they are in cahoots…”

“Carmilla’s not like that,” Laura insisted quietly, “It’s not… it’s not about my feelings for her, but I know. I know she’s not like that.”   

Danny nodded, a soft smile on her face and Laura felt like she had just passed some sort of test, “I know. Karnstein’s a lot of things, but she’s… You two will be all right.”

Laura could only nod in reply, and later that night, with Carmilla’s arms around her, she felt completely and utterly safe.

 

 

* * *

 

The end came sooner than she expected.

 

“Laura. Laura, no.”

“Oh come on! It’ll be fun, I promise.”

“Laura, I refuse to empty out my lungs for a ratty old kid’s pool that will barely be able to fit you, let alone the both of us.”

The pout that she made was not enough to convince Carmilla, but it managed to draw a loud laugh from Lafontaine. They grabbed the old plastic out of Laura’s hands and went to get Kirsch, who was chilling just over the fence with the rest of his housemates.

It was a rare sunny Sunday morning outside, and both share houses had decided to hold a joint barbeque. Elsie and Betty had yet to make an appearance, to Perry’s dismay, but everyone else was enjoying themselves outside. Danny seemed to be having a drinking contest with a couple of the Zetas, happy to show them who was boss even without the Summer-Zeta rivalry. Carmilla had chosen a nice spot on the porch swing, booted feet propped up on the banister and Laura curled up against her. The former was playing with Laura’s phone, seemingly uninterested in the festivities, but the tiny smile on her face when Kirsch and his bros did yet another ridiculous trick with a beer can, said otherwise.

The sound of a car pulling up alongside Carmilla’s old truck had Laura’s head lifting, and she bolted out of the swing, destabilising it. Carmilla swore, feet falling to the ground, “What the hell, cupcake?”

And quite suddenly, Lilita Morgan was standing at the gate, smiling.

 

Danny shot to her feet, moving to intercept her, but Carmilla got there first, nudging Laura subtly into Danny to stop the both of them from following her.

“ _Mother_ , how nice of  you to drop by,” Laura almost snorted at the amount of sarcasm Carmilla sank into those words, “But as you can see, there’s nothing illegal happening here, so please leave.”  

“Carmilla, it seems that you have forgotten your manners in public,” that damn smile was still impeccably in place, and even though her voice was barely audible above the ruckus behind them, Laura had no doubt that Carmilla heard every word, “It seems that you are in dire need of another lesson.”

Carmilla shrank back a little, and it made Laura’s heart clench. Still she stood strong, shaking her head, “You can do whatever you want to me. No one here is involved, and now that Cochrane is ready to confess everything to the authorities, you’re not going to be able to hurt anyone here anymore.”

 

They had talked about it in detail in the quiet moments between waking and sleeping, what Lilita would do now that Cochrane had snapped. She wouldn’t risk having her activities revealed and Carmilla knew that there were flight contingency plans should any of this come to light. And Carmilla was determined not to be on _those_ particular travel itineraries.  

 

What none of them expected was for Will to exit the car next, Betty and Elsie in tow. The two of them looked dazed, and strangely compliant as he walked them forward, stopping just a little behind the mayor. He peeked over the side of her shoulder, offering Carmilla a broad grin, “Hey Kitty.”

Even though Laura couldn’t see Carmilla’s face, her heart dropped into the pits of her stomach.

“Carmilla.”  

The shoulders in front of her tightened, and Laura imagined the snarl on her face as Carmilla growled, “How dare you…”

“How dare _I_? Have you forgotten who picked you up from that rotting hellhole you were in, Karnstein? How much I have sowed into the development of your particular skillset?” Those cold blue eyes were suddenly on Laura, piercing, “Did she tell you, Miss Hollis? Has she bared her sins to you, of how she sl-”

“ _ **ENOUGH!**_ ” Carmilla shouted, pushing past Lilita and taking a hold of Elsie and Betty. She tugged them forward, handing them over to Kirsch who had come over at the sound of Carmilla’s shout. “Here, get them inside.”

“I’ll give you a few minutes, dear. I wouldn’t want to be rude to your… _friends_ ,” the mayor nodded, still smiling broadly, before turning and sliding back into the car. Will showed no such restraint, giving Laura a long leering stare before following suit.

“Carm…” Laura began, grateful when Danny left to help Kirsch, giving them some semblance of privacy. The sun was shining overhead, and the hoots of joy and laughter were still loud behind them.

Carmilla cut her off, “I’m sorry, Laura.” Warm hands filled hers, her cellphone and a set of keys being thrust into her grasp, “It seems that I still have things I need to do.”

Laura shook her head, feeling sudden tears fill her eyes, “No, that’s not true. Carm, you don’t have to go-”

“I do. I have to.” Carmilla leaned forward, letting her forehead rest against Laura’s, a palm shifting to brush a tear-stained cheek, “She has nothing to lose, she could kill anyone. I can’t… I won’t let her do that. Not anymore.”

With a soft sob, she threw her arms Carmilla, pulling her into a crushing hug that was returned gently. Warm lips pressed against her ear, “Stay safe, cupcake. I’ll come back, I promise.”

Then she was gone, and Laura felt a piece of her leave with her.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope that you guys enjoy it. ^_^ I'm immensely sorry for the long wait, but I didn't quite like the first 10 drafts of this chapter, but decided to settle on this. It may be poorly edited, because if I didn't post it today, there was a chance that it would be rewritten... again. :P 
> 
> There's one chapter left to wrap up this story! Stay cool creampuffs. :)


	7. Break me Open, Leave me Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything hurts and nothing is the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are, at the end of this story. I'd like to thank everyone for reading, and you can find me on tumblr as pandawisdom.

Laura had spent a lot of her life worrying.

She worried that life would pass her by while she was thinking about the past, that she’d lose days, weeks or even years to these memories that clamoured inside her head. Often, she wondered if her brain would just give out, implode from the painful vibrations of remembering every second of every day.

Her mom had been the first to teach her how to control it. To remind her daily that it was a gift, not a curse, to be able to see things that no one else could. That Laura would one day be able to hone it into something amazing.

But teenage Laura never wanted any of that. She just wanted to go to school, make friends… be someone that no one had any expectations of. She had used something that she should’ve used to do good for petty, unimportant selfish reasons.

Those choices led her down a deep, dark path and she had fled to Silas to escape the memories of it.

Except there was nowhere for her to escape from herself.

 

She tried, at first.

The call to her parents went the moment the car had disappeared from view, the situation explained between quiet sobs and the way her heart caught in her throat with every breath. There was no surprise from them, only grim acceptance, and when she realised that Carmilla had already told them everything she knew, Laura broke down in the middle of the garden, audience be damned. Her parents, the most highly decorated government agents in the whole damn country, couldn’t… wouldn’t lift a finger to help a twenty three year old who had risked everything to save their daughter.

Kirsch had been the one to pick her off the grass, with Danny snarling at the oblivious Zetas who dared to make a cheeky comment. There were hushed tones and quiet arguments outside her door as she lay in her bed, a torrent of emotions flooding her system one after another. Eventually, she forced herself out of the room, climbed into Carmilla’s truck and drove it to a long-term garage.

 

The semester went on as if nothing happened. A replacement professor was called, and the sudden disappearance of a few students was nothing strange in any university campus. Professor Cochrane was shipped off as part of a federal investigation, and her father at least deigned to send her a few updates by email - as much as he could release to the public, he said.

Laura found that she didn’t care.

She stopped _seeing_ , grief keeping the memories at bay and apathy blinding her from details that she used to pick up without effort. She finally got what she wanted all these years, to be normal, to be a regular person with no expectations for greatness and no desire for change.

But at what cost?

 

Sometimes, in the middle of the night she could still hear Professor Cochrane’s words, a faint echo of the visions that she used to have: “ _She’s always been very good at giving you things you’ll learn to despise._ ” And there was no one that Laura despised more than herself.

 

A year passed, then another, and another, until Laura woke up one day to the realisation that it was her last year at Silas. Elsie and Betty had left school the moment they’d come back to their senses, unwilling to talk about what had happened to them, and more than willing to leave it behind to those who dared to remember. Danny, Lafontaine and Perry still stuck by her, through violent tantrums and clouds of depression. Even though Danny had graduated the year before, they stayed, and Laura knew that this little family, with the occasional welcome addition of Kirsch, was all she had left.

The Gym remained active, and with her remaining housemates spending the majority of their time there, Laura too kept with traditions. People came and went, unfamiliar faces growing familiar, and no one was any wiser that Laura Hollis had ever been anything but a quiet, broken wretch.

She still practiced every morning, rain or shine, going through the machinations without any meaning. At first, when she finished, she’d break down into tears, the memory of Carmilla’s proud smile still fresh in her mind. But now, it was just practice, and as she put away the staff after every session, the emptiness in her chest felt more real than any jubilation she had once felt.

She refused to speak to her parents, despite all their attempts at contact.

 

 

* * *

It was raining.

Fat droplets thundered on the roof, splattering loudly against her window. Laura checked the clock as she stood, shrugging on a hoodie from the top of her clothing pile. Perry had just sorted out laundry, and she pulled on a clean pair of shorts before heading downstairs. The smell of breakfast didn’t even rumble her stomach as she greeted Perry and Laf on the way to the front door. Only silence and grim nods greeted her back.

Lightning raised the hairs on her arm as she stepped into the storm, hands tight on the staff. She swung the wood with all her might, the kata a choppy, stiff mess of what it once was. Her body didn’t flow anymore, everything a distant, broken memory of what could have been. It didn’t matter to Laura, not anymore, and when she finally slammed the staff into the ground, the mud that splattered her face felt like a reprimand. She remained crouched for a while, watching the way her toes sunk into the mud and rain, the cold of the raging storm almost as cold as the numbness in her chest.

 

 

“Jesus, that was a fucking mess.”

Laura felt her breath catch, her lungs tightening with apprehension and fear. Her head lifted, slowly, as if by moving too fast she might make the mirage that stood before her disappear.

Carmilla tilted her head in question, leaning heavily against the open gate. There was a stark bruise on her cheek, but that infuriating smirk was there. So beautifully there. Sudden hot tears slipped down Laura’s face unbidden, warm and salty against the cold of the rain.

Carmilla opened her mouth to say some snarky comment, but there was a grimace of pain before she sank to her knees, an arm sliding around to grip her side. Laura jerked forward to try and catch her, slipping in the mud to pull Carmilla into a crushing hug.

“Cupca- cupcake mind the ribs,” Carmilla managed to gasp out with a laugh in between laboured breaths, but her free arm came around Laura, fingers tangling in rain-soaked hair.

Laura buried her face against Carmilla’s neck, deep, gut-wrenching sobs dragging out of her body. It felt like her lungs were crushed against her ribs, filling with the harsh freezing air, like she could finally breathe properly again. Words failed her when she tried to speak, and it was Carmilla who pulled her up, despite the pain, leading them both onto the covered porch, where she collapsed into a chair with a loud groan. Laura immediately went to wrench open her shirt, kneeling down on the wooden floorboards between her legs.

“Whoa there creampuff, I know we’re friends but…”

It was only the sight of Laura’s tear-stained face tilting up towards her that caused Carmilla to stop mid-sentence. Laura parted the lapels to reveal a ghastly deep bruise that darkened pale skin. Stubbornly, she ducked her head, fingers ghosting tenderly over the injury.

A pair of hands, calloused and warm cupped her cheeks, slowly brushing away tears and sopping hair. Laura tried to speak, only managing a soft, broken gasp before her teeth closed together with a click.

“I know sundance, I know.” Pain deepened the husk in Carmilla’s voice, fingers brushing over soft skin almost reverently, “I’m sorry. I’m… I’m so, so sorry.”

Laura shook her head, hands tightening on the material of Carmilla’s shirt. Leaning up, she pressed her lips tenderly against Carmilla’s, hoping to say all the things that she could not yet voice.

And when Carmilla kissed her back, Laura felt a weight lift off her shoulders, a tiny flame of hope flickering in the darkness of her heart.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. Thank you for taking the time to read my very first multi-chaptered finished work of fanfiction. It’s been a long ride, and I’d like to thank all of my friends on tumblr and from the fandom who have helped me get to this stage. 
> 
> I’d just like to say that, it was a real ordeal trying to write this fic. I wanted to challenge myself to use an unreliable narrator in Laura, and to make things even harder for myself, I tried to tap into my limited psychological knowledge to write her as a person with an eidetic memory nurtured from young AND having PTSD. Consider this a disclaimer that this is definitely of my own creative madness, and has no real standing in science. That being said, I have lots of theories and ideas so do feel free to hit me up on tumblr if you’d like to chat. :) 
> 
> All of you have been amazing, and each and everyone of you has made it possible for me to finish a story (as small and as bad as it may be). I have a lot of things more that I want to write, so please feel free to send me prompts or to suggest what sort of stories I should continue (in my very limited library). I might give myself a break and write in my usual style instead of another difficult challenge so soon though. I think my brain needs a bit of a breather for awhile. XD 
> 
> As always, may you make good choices, and stay cool Creampuffs!


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